Can I Freeze your Sperm?

I came across Jennie's blog while searching for a peanut butter pie recipe and was quickly drawn to the blog as Jennie is living, and blogging, a life I fear. I follow her blog religiously but never bring myself to comment.  What do you tell someone who's husband passed away on a normal day just like today?  

My heart goes out to her with every post I read but one particular post brought me to tears.  I sat there at my computer at home, alone while my husband was at work, and cried like a little baby.  In wishing for a miracle she writes...

What's for Lunch?

Me: What do you want for lunch?

Hubby: Just salad and some leftover soup.

As I "tucked" him in to bed I let him know that tomorrow I'll be home late.  Not that we check in but that's my polite way of letting him know he's on his own for dinner.  And being the great communicator that he is, he finally decides to tell me about his busy schedule tomorrow... as we're saying goodnight!  

The schedule.  Rise and shine at 3 a.m. for secrete squirrel business, court, and then Go-Go-Gadget action 'till  the bad guys decide it's time for my husband to go home safe to his wife.  I'll be lucky if he comes home by midnight.  Ha! Soup & salad's all he asked for!

Being the good wife that I strive to be I sucked it up, stayed up late, and fixed him a little something...

Sushi to Die for...

This past weekend we had friends from out of town stay at our home.

Let me introduce you to Hubby's good 'ol College Buddy, his Beautiful Wifey, and their precious little daughter of a Princes Button (she was born under 5 lbs).

Friday night came and we were excited for dinner.  Sushi it was!

 

You know, it's pretty crazy how a simple act like getting in your car becomes a 15 minute fiasco when you bring a baby into the equation.  Picture this... I'm fumbling about my over-sized purse looking for my cell phone making sure I didn't forget it.  Instead I keep pulling out the most random of things that I "need" with me at all times, College Buddy's buckling down the car seat, Beautiful Wifey's carrying Princess Button and her huge purse baby bag while picking up a miniature shoe that refuses to stay on, and Hubby's running out the door as he turns off all the lights.



Dinner was delicious.  The company was great.  We caught up on old times and laughed at all kinds of shenanigans.   Shenanigans I don't dare speak of here ;)



Unfair Goodbyes

I left with a horrible feeling in my gut and an even worst feeling in my heart.  It's like I'm not allowed to feel angry or hurt and act on it.  I'm not allowed to hold a grudge even for a second.  I'm not allowed to leave without the thought of our last words haunting me.  The wife of a cop knows the dangers of the "job".  The wife of this cop will always say goodbye with all of her heart... even when it hurts. 

Hubby:  Are you mad?

Me:  No.

Hubby:  Are you sure?

Me:  Yes.

...turned into one of those extremely rare nights when being in the same room is too much to handle.  As he sat and watched television I sat at the computer.  I don't know what it was but something came over me.  I  couldn't breathe.  I needed to collect my thoughts.  I grabbed my keys and walked snuck out without saying goodbye.

As soon as I started the engine my phone rang.  Call denied.

Frienemy (friend+enemy)

With time I've learned that the media is my Frienemy.  In times of worry I know I shouldn't watch but how can I resist when the answers are far less than the questions and worry I have.       

The Frenemy I speak of will more often than not portray OUR HEROES as the bad guys.  This Frenemy doesn't always gather the facts before reporting misleading details to the public. 

As the wife of a law enforcement officer I know better than to watch the news.

As the wife of my husband my necessity to know that he is okay is much stronger then my will to turn to my Frenemy for facts I know will cause more harm than good. 

As a woman that belongs to a small community of wives that share a common bond, a common worry, I turned to my Frenemy yesterday morning.  An officer had been shot the day before.  A quick google search led me to a few media clippings.  Hesitantly I clicked to watch. 

Dangerous Perspective

For about two weeks now the Hubby has made the same request every single morning as I say goodbye.    

Hubby: I love you.  Drive carefully.
Me: I love you too.  But... why do you keep telling me to drive carefully?
Hubby: Because its the most dangerous thing you do all day.

Um, I thought for a second.

Me: Your whole job is the most dangerous thing you do all day.

To which he smiled and kissed me goodbye.